Being assertive and self-confidence are so closely linked that it is difficult for me to say whether you build self confidence by being assertive or whether being assertiveness helps to build your confidence.

One thing for sure is that they are both linked to each other – you can definitely not have one without the other.

Here are my top tips for being assertive

1. Just like confidence building your assertive skills is going to take time and patience. You are not always going to get it right on the first try and the key is to keep focusing on what does and doesn not work until you find your own routine for asking for what you want.

2. You need to be ready to change your mindset. Assertiveness is a state of mind just like self-confidence. Yes, learning techniques will help but ultimately you need to work on

3. You must be open and willing to take action. You can not simply learn assertiveness and become more assertive by doing nothing with it.

You have to be ready to step out of your comfort zone and say things that you have wanted to say for a long time.

People will be familiar with you one way, maybe they see you as a “yes” woman who will take on anything and now you have to let them know you will not always be saying “yes”. It is going to take some adjustment so be ready for resistance.

4. See your mistakes and errors as things that need to be improved upon. You will definitely mess up when you first start using your assertiveness skills. Situations won’t always go your way and you may even give in from time to time.

Remember, this is all about progress and with each attempt you will find yourself growing stronger as long as you see your mistakes as events to learn something from not beat yourself up about.

5. Keep a record of your progress. When you begin to work towards your new assertive self it will help you to write things down and plan things out so having a journal is a great investment, it doesn’t have to be anything flash – a simple exercise book will do.

Keep all your thoughts in there, how you are feeling about approaching someone for the first time, how everything went, the things you have found out about yourself and everything you feel is worth writing in it. When you look through it months or even years later you will be surprised at just how different you are now because you took the time to use what you learn and implement it into your life.